I went to bed last night looking forward to getting up early and walking through Riley park down here to the Roasterie to sit and enjoy my morning coffee while doing some reading and writing. It's one of my favorite ways to start the day. And now that I'm here, sitting by the window surrounded by the smell of coffee, it feels great! This is my favorite time of day to be out and about. I am most productive at this time in the morning. The people that are out always seem to be just as productive and happy to be clocking in at the same time as the sun.
However, when I first opened my eyes this morning all I could think about was-I do not feel like getting up, i'll just lay here for a bit longer-And with that I hit snooze and rolled over. Now I have no clue how, but when you roll over in bed after waking up, no matter what position you end up in it is the most comfortable position you have ever been in. You could twist your back and throw your legs half off the bed and shove your face against the wall and somehow it feels magnificent! Then a few minutes later the snooze alarm goes off and you play the game all over again until finally you force yourself to get up and start your day.
Now if I knew I was getting up to do something that I didn't like I could understand why it would be so tough to get out of bed, but why is it that it's still tough to get up when you are doing something you love? This anomaly isn't just restricted to getting out of bed either. I find the same thing happens when I need to get ready to go to the gym or to a yoga class or any kind of activity that I really enjoy. Once I am there I always enjoy it and never have any regrets, but there are many times when it takes all the effort in the world to convince yourself to get ready and go. Why is that? Does this happen to anyone else? Why is being lazy so appealing to us as humans? I am sure everyone knows how good it feels when you accomplish something that you are excited to get done, so why is it so hard at times to actually put in the effort to get it done?
It seems as though being lazy is actually addictive I recently read an article by Jamie Frater (http://listverse.com/2009/10/15/top-10-modern-human-addictions/) that talks about the top 10 modern human addictions and being lazy is listed there, unfortunately he doesn't really go in to the "why", but it is a good article none-the-less.
For myself it seems to be tied partially at least to a lack of motivation, I could come here and write this blog and enjoy my time so that the three of you who read it can have something to do while you enjoy your own morning coffee. But what does that do for my life as a whole? How does it move me forward and make me grow? Where is it going to get me in the long run?
Now it may seem a bit over dramatic to take it to the level to which I am going to take this, but I am a big picture type of person and so that's where I am going to go and you can't get any bigger picture then asking the question; What is the purpose of life? Why do we do anything? If I can be just as happy and comfortable laying in bed hitting snooze then why do we do anything except sleep? Why ever get out of bed at all?
We all want success that's why. We want to feel successful and accomplished in life, and how do we do that? With a good paying job? A big house? Fancy vehicles? Lot's of stuff? What happens when you get all of that? When you accomplish all of the goals that you are "supposed" to have in life? How do you stay motivated at that point? What's the next dream? I feel as though most people would say family, love, relationships and that makes a lot of sense to me. But what if you don't know how to get those things? There is a road map that you can generally follow to achieve all of the first things I mentioned. Work hard, try hard, learn new skills, apply yourself, stay late at work, push push push, try try try. And if you put in enough effort you will eventually get there. It's quite simply really. But when it comes to love and relationships the recommended approach is the exact opposite. Just let it happen and it will happen, don't try so hard, It will happen when you stop caring so much about it...
This is why life is so complicated. In the words of John Lennon, All you need is Love. Well why is it that there is no way to work hard at finding love? Working hard at finding love is seen as clingy or needy and it pushes people away. The proof of this can be seen by doing a quick google seach on relationships. You will find countless pages of "Dating Rules" Don't text her for three days or you will appear clingy, sometimes don't respond to her texts so that it leaves her wondering, don't be too available. Imagine if we used these rules when applying for a new job? Don't respond to the company right away, let them wonder if you are interested. Don't be to available, if they ask you to start Monday maybe tell them your kinda busy Monday but maybe Wednesday would work?
Why do we play these games with each other in relationships but not in any other aspects of our lives? Why are we so afraid to just tell it like it is? How do you learn to be better at dating when everything else in your life seems to follow a completely different set of rules? How many times have we screwed up potential relationships because of not knowing what rule applies where? I think this actually speaks very well to the answer to the question "Why do nice guys finish last?"
Here are a few things you may not know about nice guys:
- Don't mistake respect for shyness or lack of confidenceNext time you go on a date with a guy and he doesn't try to make a move on you, don't assume that it is because he is not confident in himself or that he has no passion. Maybe it's because he is being respectful of you and he is waiting for you to give a clear sign of interest before he shows you his true feelings.
- If you aren't interested, tell us
It may seem like you are sparing our feelings by not being upfront with us, but let me tell you it hurts a lot less to rip the band-aid off then to spend time wondering. And when I say tell us, do it in english, not in code. You may think that you're being obvious when you say things like "I don't want to be in a relationship right now" or "I am just looking for friends right now" but to us that means, "She isn't sure if she wants to date me so I should work hard to show her why she should" or "Ok, I will be good friends with her and then hopefully she will fall in love with me". Be blunt, you will be surprised how good we are at taking the news. - We probably aren't as available as we appear
If we are interested in you, we will make time to hang out with you, that doesn't mean we have nothing going on in our lives. That doesn't mean that we are willing to drop everything in order to be with you, that doesn't mean that we are being clingy or needy or that we will drop everything just to spend time with you, what it means is that in order to get the chance to know you, we are willing to make our schedules work to find out if you are someone we would like to spend more time with.
So if I can offer any advice to single women out there it is to give nice guys a chance, you may be surprised at how confident we can be if you let us.
Jesse
